


Spectacles of Colors

by FivePips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1980's, 80's, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Asian Sirius, Drag Queens, Gay Characters, HIV/AIDS, HIV/AIDS Crisis, Harlem, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mexican-American Remus, NYC, New York City, Partying, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Recreational Drug Use, Texas, Trans Characters, Transphobia, ball culture, clubs, mentions past overdose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 15:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22318483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: Getting out of Texas feels like life or death for Remus. Making it in New York City, in a scene he knows nothing about, seems like like a piece of cake compared to being back home.In his essay "Spectacles of Colors", Langston Hughes describes his experience at a drag ball in the 1920s: "Strangest and gaudiest of all Harlem spectacles in the '20s, and still the strangest and gaudiest, is the annual Hamilton Club Lodge Ball at Rockland Palace Casino. I once attended as a guest of A'Lelia Walker. It is the ball where men dress as women and women dress as men. During the height of the New Negro era and the tourist invasion of Harlem, it was fashionable for the intelligentsia and social leaders of both Harlem and the downtown area to occupy boxes at this ball and look down from above at the queerly assorted throng on the dancing floor, males in flowing gowns and feathered headdresses and females in tuxedoes and box-back suits."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 36
Kudos: 54





	1. Prologue: It's Just Begun by the Jimmy Castor Bunch

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's been awhile. I haven't written a non fest or collab in like 6 months???? I have been inspired.
> 
> Please keep an eye on the tags. I will be adding to them, but if I miss something please remind me nicely. I also have been researching this scene and time period and I'm adapting it to the Marauders so please be kind if you're full of knowledge of it.
> 
> Every chapter will be named after a song from the time/scene/ect. so feel free to make a playlist.
> 
> Thank you jennandblitz for betaing!

“Mijo, what are you doing?” Remus’ mom asked as he stared up at the night sky, thinking about how he wished he could just fling himself into space. Life would be easier up there, floating amongst the stars. No one would be let down by him then.

“Nothing, just looking at the moon.”

His mom came closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. Even Hope Lupin’s usual warmth had cooled into a lukewarm glow as if she was trying to love her son. No longer did Remus get the same love that once poured out of her for her only child. “Do you want to talk about it?”

_ It _ was something that he knew his parents were ashamed of. His father hadn’t spoken to him since he shouted himself hoarse the night before, following his expulsion from school. Remus was a disappointment and he should be ashamed. How could Remus do this to his mother? To his father? Do their family name? Getting caught with another boy behind the school instead of being in class? How could Lyall Lupin’s son be a  _ faggot? _

“No.” Remus furrowed his brow. “I’m sorry.”

Hope gently squeezed Remus’ shoulder. “It’s late, you should go to bed.” 

“In a minute.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at his mom because he would end up giving himself away. Remus had a plan that had to do with the duffle bag he had hidden behind the trashcans. If he looked at his mom, then Remus had a feeling that he would crumble. They had been so close as Remus grew up, but now it was all over.

“Okay. Goodnight, mijo, lock the door before you go to sleep.” She finally let go of his shoulder and Remus listened as her footsteps crunched against the dirt of their driveway. The front screen door creaked open then shut with a slam, as it always did, no matter how easy you tried to be with it.

When the door closed behind it, Remus let out a long breath. Being a  _ faggot _ was not something that the small town of Godric’s in Texas was into. Not that many places were into it, but it was worse here. The strong religious backings and general culture of the area made it impossible to have  _ any _ interest in the same sex. You couldn’t even be different at all, and Remus was itchy to be himself. The real Remus was just pulling and clawing inside of him to come out and be himself.

It was bad enough that his white father had married a Mexican woman, but it wasn’t as bad as their son making out with that punk looking boy. Remus didn’t know why he just couldn’t  _ not _ want that. He liked girls too. Mary was his first girlfriend and they were great together, but Remus liked guys too. Dorcas had told him that was probably he was bisexual. Dorcas was a lesbian, and one of the only black girls in school. She got the most shit from everyone on all sides. She was one of Remus’ best friends though.

On her 17 th birthday she legged it off to New York City. She had written Remus a few times and was living her apparent best life. Even had a girlfriend apparently, who she fell head over heels for. In Dorcas’ haste to write to him, her pen always smudged and he didn’t understand all the words she was saying, but it sounded exciting. It sounded like a place for Remus to be accepted, and to let the real version of himself clawing away finally out. New York could set him free, just like it seemed to set Dorcas free.

Dorcas’ mom was happy she had gone, thrilled to get her dyke daughter out of the house. She went up and down about it around town, praising it at Sunday service. Remus was sure his parents were going to feel the same about him disappearing, which he was about to do. There was a clear image in his head of his dad at the VFW, drinking his fourth piss warm beer, telling his friends that they were finally free of Remus. His mom would smile politely at the store if some busybody brought him up, saying that she was happier now. Life without Remus in Godric, Texas would be better for everyone.

When he saw the headlights coming down his dark street, Remus walked down the driveway to pick up his bag. The only reason he knew it was Peter’s shiny blue Camero was because of the strange noise when he turned. It was kind of like a cat getting their tailed stepped on, but it lasted a few seconds longer. He stopped in front of Remus’ house, and he quickly ducked into the car, not bothering to throw his bag in the trunk.

“Hey man.” Peter’s eyes were mournful as they started to drive in the direction of the bus station.

“I’m not dying, don’t look at me like that.” Remus looked down at his hands, not wanting to see his house shrink away. Life would be better for his family without him.

“I know you’re dying, but you’re my best friend! You’re leaving your best friend to the last few months of high school alone.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Stop it with the guilt trip, Wormy.”

“Okay, okay, I know. I know that going away is probably the best fucking thing for you to do. You’re going to be able to do what you want there and being the best you ever. Maybe you’ll get famous.” He flashed a smile over at him.

“Famous for what?”

“Famous for… I don’t know, you’re pretty fucking funny. You could be a comedian like George Carlin.”

“I don’t think I’m that funny.” Remus rolled his eyes, shifting his seat. He had no idea what he was going to do for work when he got to New York. Probably pick up a job as a waiter, like he had at the diner in Godric’s. Dorcas had said he could crash at hers if he ever decided to run, so that was he main plan for now. He just needed to get to New York in one piece.

“You don’t have a high self-esteem,” Peter pointed out to Remus. “You think you suck at everything. You don’t. You know, you could be a writer, you’re a great writer.”

“Well, I’m not going to graduate, so what’s the difference? I’ll just work at a restaurant for something.” He gave a shrug.

“You’re two months away from receiving the degree.”

Remus bit his lip because that was true, but he was also suspended from school for now. He was a sexual deviant in many people’s eyes. Going back to school would have been harder than just existing in their small town since it was a microcosm of where they lived. At least there were jobs he could do without his degree. Maybe he’d get his GED or something eventually.

“Right, I’m going to shut my trap and not tell you what to do because you’re an adult now. I’m just worried about my best friend going to this big city.”

“I know, you’re a good friend.” Remus pulled a leg up on to the seat. “The only thing I’ll miss around here.”

“You better keep in touch then, you know? If you don’t I’ll come hunt you down in New York.”

“Peter, you can hardly find your way to the WalMart the next town over.” He laughed, remembering the time that Peter kept taking wrong turns and got them lost in completely the middle of nowhere… well  _ more _ nowhere because Godric was pretty much there already.

“I’d figure it out for you.”

“Romantic. Watch out, you’re driving with a shirt lifter alone at night. Who knows what I’m gonna do.”

“Fuck, man, you know I don’t care. Also you’ve never tried to put your hands down my pants once and we’ve had sleep overs how many times? You’re my best friend and you know it.” Peter waved a hand as they got to the bus depot.

“I know, Pete. I’ll write, I promise I will.” Remus looked out the window, knowing that his life was about to  _ really _ start. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, and he was so sick to his stomach but he knew it was right. The only way that his life was going to work out, was going to be if he left for somewhere that may be just a little more accepting.

“You better, you asshole.” Peter parked. “Call me when you get there, just so I know you didn’t get murdered or something.”

“Thanks for the kind last words. You’re going to regret that if I do get murdered.” Remus took a hold of his duffle bag as he turned towards Peter. “I’ll call you, I promise.”

“Okay, good because I’ll miss the shit out of you.” He reached over the center console and hugged Remus tight.

“I’ll miss you too. Maybe you can come see me sometime.” Remus hugged him back, suddenly sad to be leaving Peter behind

“I hope so.”

Instead of sitting in the car and dwelling on missing Peter any longer, Remus hopped out with one last goodbye. He made his way over to the bus that he had bought a ticket for earlier in the day. The road ahead was going to be long, but Remus hoped that it was going to be worth.


	2. Chapter 1: Concrete Jungle by Little Beaver

Remus decided, as he got off the subway in Harlem, that he was going to walk everywhere for awhile. After over a week of buses then taking a few trains, the thought of being stuck in a crowded place. Also, he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to get on the subway again in general. It was crowded, dirty, and there was graffiti everywhere. For the first few minutes waiting for the subway to the stop he needed, Remus felt unsafe in this place that looked so unwelcoming. Yet that feeling melted away because he was so close to getting to Dorcas — to getting to rest hopefully in a bed or even a couch would be fine.

New York was different than Remus had imagined in his head. There it was shiny and bright image in his head where everyone was so well dressed and cold. There was no chrome and steel glinting, just concrete, drab and grey. There was a stench of trash and piss in the air in Manhattan, especially at Port Authority and in the subway. At least he was able to get help on directions how to get to Dorcas’ house fro some nice lady at a coffee shop. She even bought his coffee for him since he was new to the city. Not _everyone_ was cold as he thought they would be — but the lady screaming on the subway about going to hell probably wasn’t.

Emerging into Harlem from the subway stop, Remus was thankful for the gridded streets. All he had to do was walk up two streets then down the next. Dorcas had included directions from the bus stop in one of her letters, saying Remus should come visit. Maybe she was the witch she always joked about being when they were younger. That or she knew that Remus had always been on the verge of leaving town.

As he walked, Remus looked around realizing that it wasn’t _the best_ area of the city. He shouldered his bag, hoping that he looked like he belonged and not some small town boy new in town. There were building crumbling down and vandalism just about everywhere. Not to mention the tall guy that was in the doorway with a shifty look to his eyes and the woman that seemed to be walking far too fast. There seemed to be people just _everywhere_. Granted it wasn’t as bad as the crush of traffic in Manhattan or the sheer amount of pedestrians. It was still crazy. He had been to Dallas before for a field trip, but New York was a whole different animal.

Remus started down the street where Dorcas had said she lived. A row of brown stones lined both sides of the street, people were milling about in front of some of them. Some people even greeted Remus in Spanish and he politely said hello back, hoping to avoid trouble. Thankfully no one seemed to bat an eye at him as he thought they would more than a glance. That was the good thing about a big city, why Remus wanted to be there and not back in Godric’s. No one but Dorcas knew him here. He could be himself, whatever that meant… eventually find that out.

With the biggest sigh of relief, Remus knocked on the door of the row house and he suddenly felt insanely nervous. The door flung open and behind it was a tall black man wearing a beehive wig and a ludicrous amount of eyeshadow. He looked like someone out of the magazines Remus would steal. He wasn’t in any type of female clothing though, just sweats and a New York Knicks shirt. “Hey honey, what’d you looking for?”

“Ah, Dorcas?” He felt himself open and close his mouth a few times.

“DORKY!” The man shouted over his shoulder. “You’ve got a cute boy here for you!”

“Tell them to fuck off, I’m a lesbian!”

“I don’t think that’s why he’s here, honey!” He turned back to Remus. “I’m Kingsley or Kiki Gryffindor, depending on the time of day. You are?”

“Remus Fucking Lupin?” Dorcas sounded as if she was in shock behind Kingsley then shoved him out of the way. 

The weight that he felt lift off his chest when he saw Dorcas felt like a ton. She looked different, her head completely bald and shiny where she used to have thick curls. But it was still his friend. “Dorcas!”

“You moron, why didn’t you write me? Call, fuck, I never gave you the number here, huh? Whatever, you’re here.” She pulled him inside the house.

“Babe who’s —” A blonde girl wearing her hair up in a multicolored pink, blue, and green scar. Pieces of her curly blonde hair was falling out of it. She was beautiful. “OH! YOU’RE REMUS! WE’VE BEEN BETTING WHEN YOU’D GET HERE!” The woman shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Remus realized this was probably Dorcas’ girlfriend from what he had read about. “Hi, yeah… bets?” He looked at Dorcas with a raised eyebrow. “ _We?_ ”

“Yes, we, welcome to the House of Gryffindor, Remus.” Dorcas gestured around her.

The House of Gryffindor looked to be full of risqué art work, rainbows, and peeling wallpaper from the glance around the entryway and into what looked to be the living room. It looked very well lived in, but still clean and not run down — even if they needed to fix the wallpaper. Marlene took his hand and started to pull him around. 

“This is the grand sitting room where we hold eloquent discussions deep into the night,” she said in a voice that sounded very Kennedy-esque. “Through it is the dining room.” She tugged him along to a room where a table that looked to be able to fit at least fifteen people was surrounded by mismatched chairs. It had fabric and paint cans on it at the moment. He didn’t get a good look at anything because soon he was in the huge kitchen and Marlene was explaining some labeling system, which he wasn’t sure why he was hearing but he nodded along.

Next came the second floor where there were four bedrooms and a bathroom. The bedroomswere tiny, from the two he saw because the other two had their doors closed. Dorcas explained the people were sleeping because they worked nights, but Remus would meet them later. The other two rooms were filled with various things including a sewing machine and even more fabric that sparkled. The next floor had four more rooms and a bathroom. 

One of them was Marlene and Dorcas’. The walls were covered in a flower mural that Marlene said she painted herself and Dorcas looked very proud of it. It was less filled to the brim as the other rooms, making Remus feel like he could breathe a little more. The next room over was covered in all type of signs for gay rights and HIV/AIDs awareness one wall while the wall across from it held bookshelves filled with records. Remus was tempted to look at the collection, but was pulled to the room across the hall. It held a bed, desk, and a bookshelf.

“This is your room.” Marlene hopped on to the bed. “Do ya like it?”

“My room?” Remus asked because he was sure that he didn’t hear her right. “For the night?”

“Ha! For however long you’re here.” Dorcas put her arm around him. “I’ve told all the brother and sisters all about you, and they want you here.”

“Brothers and sisters.”

“He thinks it’s a cult!” Marlene leaned against the wall. “Dude, it’s not a cult. We’re in the Ball scene.”

Remus went to go perch on the desk, and finally took the duffel from his shoulder. He had never heard of that before, and felt very naive all of a sudden.

“You’ll love it Remus, it’s like a fashion show but better.” Dorcas flopped down next to Marlene. “A place where everyone is accepted.”

“Even light skin chicana femme lesbians like me.” Marlene pointed to herself. “And beautiful black butches like she. And queens like Kings and trans white gals like Lily and Minnie and androgynous gay Asians like Sirius and now you, pobrecito.”

His eyes went a little wide, surprised that Marlene was a Mexican immigrant. She didn’t have an accent, but that didn’t mean anything. He had been thinking that she was so fair, but he felt a bit prejudice to hold onto that thought. “Pobrecito? I am not a poor little thing.”

Marlene rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. “Sure, you don’t smell like bus and look as if you haven’t slept in days? You didn’t run away from home with one bag to the big city all alone. Okay.”

Remus shifted a little on the table; she was right on.

“Keep it light on reading him, he’s tired Marly.” Dorcas stood up, pulling her girlfriend with her. “Get some sleep, Remus. I’m around all night and tomorrow, okay?”

“Me too. We’re just across the hall most of the time; just don’t come in if the door’s closed.” Marlene winked before skipping out of the room and closing the door behind her. It didn’t latch shut, but Remus just went right to the bed, laying down on top of the blankets on it. 

Nothing was going to be solved until he got some rest, and hopefully a shower. At least he was safe for now. Remus felt safe here, even if the tour and everything had been a whirlwind. He kicked off his well-worn Nikes and curled up on his side. The moment his shoes hit the floor, something jumped on the bed, a blur of grey and black mass of fur. The movement jolted him but he realized it was a big tabby cat, looking at him curiously.

“Hi buddy.” Remus yawned, scratching it behind its ears. “I’m new here.”

The cat meowed and crawled on top of him, which was a nice comforting weight. Remus drifted off to sleep. It was a deep one, with dreams of being home in the kitchen with his mom chopping vegetables and asking him a million questions about school.

When Remus opened his eyes again, the room was dark with the exception of a stream of light coming in from the hallway. In the stream of light was a shadow and, as the fog of sleep cleared, he heard a voice. “Come on now, Trevor, it’s time to eat.”

Remus shifted to find the cat had moved to the end of the bed and was now staring. In the doorway was a tall woman with gray hair in a sleek bun. “Oh dear, sorry sweetheart. Trevor is being terrible in not coming for his food. He seems to have taken a liking to you,” she said, leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah, ha.” He sat up, his stomach growling.

“You must be Mr. Lupin? Can I come in?” She asked. “I’m the mother of the house, Minerva.”

Remus nodded, rubbing his eyes. Mother? Really, it sounded more and more cult like as time went on. “You can turn the light on if you want.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Minerva did just that as she strode into the room. “You’re Dorcas’ friend?”

“Yes ma’am.” Remus smiled at her. She did give off a mothering presence.

“Glad you’re here, we all know what it’s like to not be accepted.”

“We? I don’t quite…”

“I’m sure that Dorcas and Marlene didn’t actually explain what the House is, huh?” Minerva pulled out the chair and took a seat.

“No, no clue.” He figured the best route was honesty.

“So, it dates back to the 20’s, and no, I am not that old.” She laughed as the cat, Trevor hopped over on to her lap. “These different Houses, filled with people who didn’t conform to the boxes they had been put in, started to build a place of self expression with Balls.”

“Balls?” Remus crossed his legs and leaned forward, wondering what she was going to say about this all.

“Yes, not the couple-dance type ball. It’s extravagant and nearly the whole house competes in different categories or help out by making costumes. We walk and show off and sort of just laugh in the face of femininity and masculinity and just have a good time. It’s hard to explain, but we’ll go to one so you can see.”

It sounded like a heaven that Remus never thought of before. A place for self expression without judgement of homophobes? It didn’t seem real. “Yeah okay.”

“Most of all, the House is a family. Here, we’ve all been disowned or kicked out or ran from situations that weren’t good for us. But no matter what, we’ve got one another. I know you’ll fit right in because Dorcas loves you and she’s hard to let people in.”

“Ha, yeah, she is.” Remus leaned against the wall behind him. “So, I can stay here?”

“Yes, you can.”

“How much is rent?”

Minerva laughed, “Don’t you worry about that sweetheart. It’s basically nothing and you don’t have to pay a dime for anything until you find a job. No rush.”

“You’re joking?”

“No, I’m very serious.”

“No, Minnie! I’m very Sirius.” A voice came from across the hall.

She rolled her eyes. “Ignore him, that is Sirius — like the star.”

“The star I fucking am!”

Remus laughed at the back and forth. “I can help around the house.”

“Of course you will, we have a chore list. Marlene said she explained the labeling of the food, but I’m sure you weren’t really comprehending after all your traveling.”

“No, not one bit.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow. But you can eat anything that isn’t labeled. You forget to label your special food, it’s up for grabs,” Minerva explained.

“One time,” the voice that belonged to Sirius came in closer. “I didn’t label my French macaroons I splurged on and Marly ate them all.” When Sirius stepped into the room Remus looked away for a second. He was… beautiful? Was that appropriate to say about another guy? But he had the sharpest features and dark and stormy grey eyes. 

“I only talked to Marlene for maybe a half hour, but I can see her doing that.” Remus turned back to him after gathering himself for a moment.

“Yes, but you didn’t follow the rules.” Minerva laughed, standing up and picking Trevor up as she stood.

“Come on, Minnie, you know rules are meant to be broken.”

“Okay you little punk, sure they are. But that also means people are going to eat your special macaroons.” She patted his cheek as she went towards the door. “Remus, I’m going to make some pasta for dinner, would you like some?”

“Yes, sure ma’am.”

“Ma’am,” Sirius mimicked Remus’ accent, showing off a toothy smile as he did so. “Boy, you’re from the country.”

“He’s polite, Sirius, something you never learned.”

“It’s the punk thing.” Sirius came in and sat right on Remus’ bed.

“Come downstairs in about ten minutes. You too Sirius, I doubt you ate at the office.”

“Yes, Minnie,” Sirius said as she walked out the door. “So, you’re the new misfit. Welcome to the island of misfit toys.”

“The island of misfit toys?”

“Come on, you’ve never seen Rudolph? Do they not have TV down in Texas?”

“We have TV, thanks.” Remus made a face. “Just never saw that movie.”

“It’s so good, we’ll watch it at Christmas.”

Remus laughed, only because Christmas was so far away, what if he wasn’t there then? Maybe he would be though, everyone seemed so welcoming.

“Okay, let’s go downstairs. I’ll introduce you to whoever is here and awake.” Sirius jumped up, offering his hand.

Remus took it, letting himself be pulled up.


	3. Chapter 2: Forget Me Nots by Patrice Rushen

There was some type of possibility that Remus had in fact been killed by the guy behind him on the bus in Oklahoma; he was whispering to himself about cats and dogs and tornados. His skin still crawled thinking about that leg of the trip because he was positive that the man was going to snap. At least if he did die, then this place was certainly some type of heaven, full of people that were more like Remus than anyone back in Godric, Texas. Except he was fairly certain it was real life, which was even more baffling and wonderful.

Sirius held his hand, leading him back through the house, which Remus was trying not to focus on. He stopped to point out things the girls did not talk about. For instance, there was a hole in the wall that Caradoc accidentally made when he and Kingsley were playing some game they made up called Quidditch. It involved tennis balls and drinking, and Minnie had since banned the play of the game. Sirius disclosed they still played it when Minnie was out of the house visiting friends in Massachusetts.

Remus kept looking down at Sirius’ hand every so often. He had never held another guys’ hand before. It was strange, especially seeing as they had just met. Sirius didn’t even blink an eye at it, just concerned about showing Remus every bit of the house through his eyes. The comfort of holding someone else’s hand after being alone for a week, wondering if he was ever going to make it to New York, was some kind of a relief. The fact the hand belonged to the most striking person that Remus had ever seen, well, that was a nice cherry on top.

“Have you met Frank and Alice yet?” Sirius asked him as he led Remus down the last flight of stairs.

“I’ve only met you, Minerva, Kingsley, and Marlene,” Remus explained.

“Mmm, I see. Al and Frank are probably in the kitchen now. Kings, Ben, and Caradoc are all off working by now. Lily should be back home though. You’ll meet nearly everyone but Ben and Caradoc then.” Sirius talked fast, like he didn’t want to waste any precious time getting the words out. “So, how old are you? Do you have a job? I might be able to help you get one.”

“Oh, I’m 18 and I need a job. I figured I’d pick up some job as a waiter or something.”

“Good choice. Though, I heard gogo boys make a lot of money,” Sirius said as if Remus should know what he was talking about. What on earth was a gogo boy?

“Huh?”

“Oh. You’ve never been to a club, have you?”

“No.”

“Right, sorry, forgot that you’re from the middle of nowhere.” He laughed, making Remus want to shrink up. So what if he was from the middle of nowhere? So what if he had never been to a club before? He made it all the way to New York, right? Those things didn’t mean he was completely naive. Everyone probably assumed that he couldn’t take care of himself here, but he could. He was going to manage just fine.“We’ll take you out and show you everything. Don’t worry.”

“If Sirius is telling you not to worry, I would.” A man who was sitting on the old couch smiled at Remus. His accent reminded Remus of home for a moment. In his arms was a curvy girl with brown hair with beauty mark on her pale cheek.

“THIS is our resident bi couple, Frank and Alice.” Sirius gestured to them as he dropped Remus’ hand. “THIS is our new misfit, Remus.”

“Dorcas’ friend! Nice to meet you!” Alice stood up, tugging down her leather skirt as she did. “We’re heard a lot about you.”

“Nice to meet you.” Remus smiled as Frank stood up as well. Sirius went off in the direction of the kitchen. Remus could smell garlic and tomatoes and all types of herbs and spices coming from whatever it was that Minnie was cooking. “So, ah, who won the bet?” He asked with a laugh, not sure of what else to talk about because he was feeling more than a little out of place.

“I did!” A voice came from behind Remus, light and high, full of pride.

He turned to see a redhead woman with freckles, wearing a pencil skirt, button up shirt, and boxy suit jacket. She must have just come home from work because she looked a bit out of place. “Congratulations. I hope you won something good.”

“20 bucks!” She came all the way into the living room. “I’m Lily, by the way. I’m glad you made here.”

Remus was a little taken aback by her kindness for a moment. Then he remembered that Lily was trans: that was what Marlene had said earlier in the day. It was a strange thought to have because he never met anyone who was trans before. Nor had he met anyone who was Asian or a drag queen or so open and out as the people who lived in this house were. It all sort of hit him at once at how narrow his own world view had been back home, even though he tried to understand what was going on. There were so many gaps that he needed to fill. So many things that he didn’t know about the world. He was ready to learn, and understand — or at least try, at the very least keep an open mind. He didn’t want to end up like his father or anyone else back in Godric’s.

After talking for some time about Remus’ trip across country, Minnie called them into the dining room for dinner. The clutter on the table was now gone, so the group that was there gathered around. Remus let everyone else sit first, not sure of where he fit in. Marlene ended up pulling him to sit down between her and Minnie. Across from him Sirius was telling everyone about his day as they passed around the pasta and homemade garlic bread.

“Em was convinced that she had put the volunteer list on her desk and we couldn’t find it anywhere. Guess where it was?” Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking around the table.

“Within the pile of trash on your desk!” Alice accused and everyone laughed, but Remus because he wasn’t sure what Sirius’ desk looked like. He wasn’t even sure what Sirius actually did for work.

“No!” Sirius pointed his fork at her as if it was a weapon. “I am not messy. Remus, don’t listen to them, they’re liars.”

“Well, it seems like a consensus.” Remus took the offered bowl of pasta.

“Or they’re ganging up on me, hmm?”

“We’re not, he can be a mess. His room right now is not a reflection of his desk.” Frank stabbed his fork into his bowl.

“He likes keeping his room clean.” Minnie informed Remus.

“I can’t sleep in a messy room.”

“But you can think at a messy desk?” Dorcas furrowed her brow.

“It doesn’t matter, I hardly work at my desk anyhow.” Sirius shook his head.

“Right. Out in the streets. fighting the government!”

_ Fighting the government _ , Remus pondered over the words. He thought about the wall covered with gay rights slogans and things about AIDs. He wondered what Sirius did with it all because he was clearly doing something to upset the government. Remus didn’t have any clue where one would start working on something against the government. It must have been an overwhelming task, but an important one. The feeling of being naive was creeping up on Remus once again. How long was he going to feel that way? Back home, he felt like he was more worldly and knew more about the outside world, but now he was in a much bigger pond.

Being in a pond where he was floating alone, even surrounded by everyone else unlike back home, made him feel suddenly alone. Everyone around the table knew more than him,  _ experienced _ more than him. He hated looking stupid and naive, it just grated him. Ignorance was never the problem back home, but it seemed as if everyone else around him was ignorant. Now he was just out of his depth without anything mooring him. Hopefully everyone would be patient enough to teach him, and not just completely shut him down or shut him out.

Following dinner, Lily went off to bed complaining about having to be in the office early again because there was some big case happening. She was a paralegal from what Remus gathered. Alice and Frank went right to bed while Marlene left for her job as a bartender at a lesbian bar. Dorcas worked as a bouncer there as well, but she was off for two nights. Kingsley made money singing in and out of drag while Caradoc was a nurse and Benjy worked as a waiter. None of them would be home until the early hours in the morning, apparently. Minnie insisted that Remus would meet Caradoc and Benjy soon enough.

Dorcas and Sirius insisted on having a few beers with Remus. He wanted to crawl back into bed, but he did miss his friend. A little of him wished Sirius didn’t want to join in because he wanted some time alone with Dorcas. It probably would have been rude to tell Sirius that he wanted time with Dorcas, so Remus pulled his legs up onto the sofa and took a long sip of his beer.

“How’s Peter? Surprised his didn’t follow you up here.” Dorcas turned towards him on the sofa. 

Sirius was on the floor, laying on his stomach, his chin resting on his hand.

“He’s obsessed with finishing school. He did get into NYU, though, so he might be coming up here anyway.” Remus hoped that Peter would show up because he was Remus’ best mate. They had known one another since they were babies. The two of them knew everything about one another, and now they were living two separate lives.

“NYU? Really? Wow.” Sirius nodded with his lips pursed.

“He’s smart, and his parents have enough money to send him.” Remus took a long swig of his beer.

“Good for him. I love Pete, he’s a good one.”

“He really is. I do miss him already. I actually have to call him, shit.” He looked at the clock on the wall.

“Finish your beer then you can use the phone in the kitchen.” Sirius pushed himself to sit up cross-legged. “It’s important to let him know you’re safe, right?” The way Sirius said the words struck Remus as  _ soft _ , as if he knew what it was like to be the person waiting to hear if someone he loved was safe. The tone of his voice almost hurt Remus. Sirius’ pain was right there below the surface, and Remus had no idea where it came from. Nothing about Sirius said that he had anything sad in his past — not that Remus had talked to him much, but suddenly something heavy came off Sirius.

“Yeah, I will.” Remus shifted before looking back to Dorcas. “How long have you been here, Dorcas? The whole time? You never really said.”

“I mean, nearly the whole year. I met Lily, Marlene, and Sirius at a bar I was working at and hit it off with them. The moment I had the chance to move out of the shit hole I was first staying at, I took it. Then I fell for Marlene, which, I mean, can you blame me.” Her smile stretched luridly across her face.

“If she wanted a guy, Marly and I would have dated before she met you.” Sirius winked at Dorcas.

“You don’t date women!”

“I don’t mind women. I’m like a little a bi.” Sirius gestured with his thumb and forefinger. “Not everyone is a gold star gay. It’s fluid.”

“Gold star gay?” Remus’ questions slipped from his mouth at the term.

“Meaning you only have ever been with other men. Same with lesbians, I guess? I am certainly not. Are you, Remus? Gold star that is.”

“No, I’m bi.” Remus found men and women equally attractive. He never really thought about leaning one way or the other as Sirius was saying.

“Cheers!” Sirius tipped his bottle towards him before taking a drink with a smile on his lips.

Remus took a drink as well as if they had bonded over their interest in men  _ and _ women. It felt as if it was a strange thing to bond over, but he was going to roll with it.

After he finished his beer, Remus did go to the phone in the kitchen. He hoped that Dorcas and Sirius couldn’t hear the conversation too well since he just wanted a minute with Peter. There was also a chance he could get emotional, and he didn’t really want anyone to see him  _ cry _ . He had moved from a whole other state on a whim, he was strong and didn’t need them to hold him up.

The phone rang three times before Peter answered. “Hello!”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh god, Remus. Thank fuck, it’s been over a week! I was fucking worried.” Peter let out an audible breath and Remus could hear Sirius’ words in the back of his head.

“I’m sorry, man, it took ages to get here, but I’m with Dorcas now.” Remus leaned against the wall, twisting the phone cord around his finger. “I have a bed and I’m safe.”

“Good! That’s good, tell her I said hello.” The relief in his voice was tangible, causing Remus’ heart to break a little. His friend really did care about him, no matter how far away that he was.

“I will.” Remus paused, trying to think of how to ask if anyone was looking for him. “Have you… have you heard anything from my parents?”

“Yeah, your mom’s pretty upset. They know that you ran because you took all your important shit — even some books.” He gave a little forced laugh. “Why did you take your books?”

“Not all of them, only a few of them.” Remus let out a rough laugh, trying to do his best not to think about his mom. He pushed the image of her crying over him down and focused on Peter. “How’s school?”

“It’s fine, everyone won’t shut up about you and Dorcas. Some people saying you ran off to be with her — like romantically. Others are saying that you’re some porn star now, which is amazing seeing that you’ve only been gone for a week. Congratulations.”

Remus snorted, putting a hand over his face. “Yeah, that makes so much sense. I am not, I’m unemployed and I don’t want to think about my bank account right now.” He had been saving money for over two years, but he still needed to bring some money in if he was going to survive. Eating other people’s food and not paying rent would make him feel like complete shit.

“You’ll get a job soon enough.”

“I’m going to start looking tomorrow, I think. Maybe someone will be able to recommend something.” Remus shrugged a shoulder then yawned. How on earth was he still tired?

“It’ll work out. Why don’t you go sleep, call me when you can?”

“Yeah, I will. Bye Pete.”

“Talk to you later, Remus.” 

Remus hung the phone then leaned against the wall behind him, closing his eyes and tilting his head back trying to fight back the tears that were gathering. His mind kept going back to his mom standing in his empty room with tears running down her cheeks. It wasn’t possible that she was so upset. She hated what he was, so did his dad. Remus was a disappointment, it was better that he left.

“Remus! Mind grabbing us another beer when you’re done?” Dorcas shouted out to him.

He cleared his throat and pushed himself off the wall. “Yeah! Coming!”


	4. Chapter 3: I'll House You by The Jungle Brothers

Two days after making it to New York Remus walked back to the house with a little bit of a hop in his step as he took a sip of his coffee then a drag of his cigarette. He was going to have an interview for a position at a coffee shop not too far from where he was staying. It was close enough that he didn’t have to get on the subway, thank fucking god. Remus’ skin crawled thinking about having to deal with public transport once again. He was still reeling from the experience of traveling across the country.

Logically Remus knew he was going to have to get over his sudden phobia of buses and trains, but that was something for future Remus to deal with. Now, he was fine walking a few blocks to and from the row house to a potential place of work. The walk wasn’t too bad, and he didn’t feel too unsafe. Granted, if it were dark, he might feel a different way about that. Not that crime didn’t happen in the daylight either. Remus read and saw plenty of news reports about the crime in New York. Thankfully, he didn’t feel unsafe just yet, though he did look over his shoulder every so often even in the middle of the day.

When Remus approached the House of Gryffindor, he walked right into someone else. “I’m so sorry! Fuck! I’m sorry.” Remus’ coffee sloshed over on to both of their shirts.

“Damn, it’s fine! Sorry!” The other man stood up straight, looking down at his neon green t-shirt under a purple and blue windbreaker. “My fault that I’m an idiot for just standing here. No one’s home and I didn’t want to barge in — even though I have a key. You must be Remus.”

Remus took a moment to recover, and take a look at the man in front of him. “Right, I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Oh! I’m James Potter! My parents own the house — the whole block here actually. I came by to fix the leaky sink that Minnie’s been complaining about.” James ran a hand through his already messy dark hair.

Remus remembered Caradoc mentioning James the other night, and how he would come by to fix things every so often. He apparently had some crush on Lily, who shot him down at every opportunity from what Remus understood. At that point Lily had jumped into the conversation, telling Remus it wasn’t anything aggressive but it was obvious. She said she didn’t want anything to do with him because he was arrogant and ignorant even if he was good looking.

Good looking really was subjective. James had ugly, thick-framed square glasses along with the worst permed mullet Remus laid eyes on. Granted, he did have a nice face and a good smile. Maybe that’s what Lily saw under the terrible hair.

“Do you want a new shirt? We’re about the same size, I’d say.” Remus offered, looking at the large coffee spot that was running down his shirt.

“That would be great, thanks. Then I can get to fixing the sink.”

Remus led them inside as James chattered away about how his parents owned properties all over. The Potters apparently were some wealthy family who owned places around the city. They were trying to fix up the buildings they owned on the block. It felt like the man was bragging about his money, and that made Remus uncomfortable. He had what he needed growing up, but his family never had a lot as James seemed to have had. As comfortable as the Pettigrews were, he doubted they were anywhere close to how much money the Potters probably had.

“I can’t believe no one else is home,” Remus commented as they went into his room, which he needed to decorate and add some personality to. There was no way that he was going to be leaving any time soon. “There are so many people that live here that I feel like there’s people around all the time.”

“Eh, it happens I bet.” James took off his windbreaker, tossing it on Remus’ bed as Remus went over to the drawers to find a shirt he didn’t care much about — not that he had a lot of options. Marlene said they’d go shopping at this place that sold clothes for so much per pound later that day when she came back from a doctor’s appointment, so he’d at least have some more options very soon. “So, how are you liking the place? Up to your standards?”

“Well, my standards were a little crappy couch in a dank living room, so this certainly beats it.” Remus pulled out a plain blue shirt and handed it to James, who was now shirtless.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not, man.” James took the shirt then pulled it on, messing his perm up even more.

“No, it’s a good place. It just needs some new wallpaper,” Remus quipped as he went to change his own shirt.

“Don’t mention the Quidditch hole either. I had a part in that.” He attempted to fix the curls with his hand — it didn’t help.

Remus looked at him with wide eyes. He didn’t realize that James hung out with anyone in the house. “Really?”

“Don’t tell my parents or Minnie. I was over helping with painting this room and had a few drinks with Caddy and Sirius, and things got out of hand. I’m a little competitive.” James at least seemed to be somewhat regretful. “But, I’ll fix that eventually. It’s a little more difficult than a leaky sink, huh?”

“I guess so. I know nothing about handy work, like I can tell you the difference between screwdrivers.” Remus laughed as he started to follow James back out the door.

“I’m sure I’m complete garbage at whatever you are good at, dude. Like I could never do make up as good as Kingsley or dance like Sirius or manage to be a nurse like Caddy. We’re all good at different things.”

The genuine tone of James’ voice made Remus smile as they walked down the stairs. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’m just not sure what I’m good at.”

“Well, what do you like to do?”

“Ah, I read a lot… I like to write.”

“That’s cool, you could write all about this place, I bet. Everyone here has such interesting stories.”

Remus enjoyed the idea of writing pieces about the people in the house. He had only been there a few days, and could see how interesting it could be to do; give real stories to who they are, and open people’s eyes about other people like them — no matter their race, sexuality, or gender. At the same time, they were people and didn’t need to have their lives paraded around because Remus wanted to write about it. “Maybe, yeah.”

James went into the kitchen to fix the sink while Remus decided to watch some TV while he waited for Marlene to come back from her appointment before they went to the store. He thought about talking to James more, but he was there to work. Not that he seemed to care if he was working or not from their conversation. James hung out with the others from time to time, which was funny to Remus. He looked like he would never fit in here, but then again everyone fit in in the House of Gryffindor as long as they weren’t bigots.

“I’m just saying, if they cleaned up the subways a little more, it’d be nice.” Lily’s voice came from the front hall.

“Where’s your adventure Lily?” Marlene asked as footsteps came down the front hall then a moment later both of them appeared in the doorway. “Hey! You ready?” Marlene was wearing an oversized jacket with the sleeves rolled up over a patterned button up tucked into her pegged jeans. She always looked so  _ cool _ , so did Sirius. There was something effortlessly fashionable about both of them.

“Yeah, sure, show me the way.” Remus stood up and stretched as Lily turned the TV off. “You coming with us Lily?”

“Yeah, I think so,” She said as something clattered in the kitchen. “What on earth was that?”

“James Potter is fixing the sink.” He pointed in the direction before James appeared in the doorway.

“Hi! Lily! Marlene! How are you two? Having a nice day?”

“I just had someone scrape out a part of my cervix, what do you think, Potter?” Marlene snorted and James went a deep red. Remus’ eyes widened as well while Lily threw her head back with a loud laugh.

“Ha! The look on your faces.” Lily put a hand over her mouth.

“Oh get over it, I did.” Marlene waved a hand before grabbing Remus’. “Bye Potter! Have a nice day!”

Remus was pulled along in Marlene’s wake. Even though he had only known her for a handful of days, he realized quickly that he just needed to go with it. There was no fighting the whirlwind that was Marlene. He didn’t mind it at all either because she was fun and did her best to include Remus in everything so far. She wanted him to feel at home, just like Dorcas did.

They got down to upper Manhattan by subway to both Remus and Lily’s dismay, and then walked for a bit. Remus was sure there was another stop near the store, but Marlene was placating them both. The fact that something could look so terrible and smell so horrid in such an important city threw Remus through a loop.

The area they ended up was close to the Hudson. It was a hip and trendy area with people walking down the streets in fashions similar to Marlene. Everyone was effortlessly  _ cool _ around him. Remus knew that his clothes were basic, but so were everyone else’s. They just seemed to be styled in different ways to make them look as if they were walking out of fashion magazines.

“Okay, this is the place. It is overwhelming.” Marlene stopped them in front of an older looking building at the end of the street they had been walking down for sometime.

Remus looked up at the sign:  _ Olivander’s Vintage _ . On small print under the sign bragged about its options and pricing of $3 per pound of clothes. “Overwhelming?”

“It’s a lot of fucking clothes. Just in piles, so you have pick through them. It’s okay, we’re looking for you so we’ve got your back.” Lily patted him on the back before Marlene took his hand again and led him inside.

They went up a set up creaky stairs and then turned into a large open space. On the far in the room, Remus could see the checkout counter. In between them and the counter were small mountains of clothes. On the walls were plastered posters of different musicians and fashion ads. It was overwhelming, Remus didn’t know where to even start. Thankfully Marlene pulled them right over to a mound.

“Lily, you got the trash bag?”

“Yep!” She rummaged in her purse and pulled out a black bag with a flourish.

Marlene started rummaging around, pulling out a Queen shirt that didn’t seem worn at all. “Perfect! Ha! The fashion gods have blessed us.”

“That’s amazing.” Remus took the shirt as Marlene also pulled out a Prince shirt. “Yes, I love these.”

“We’ve hit the tour tee motherlode apparently.” Lily laughed as she held up a Scissor Sisters shirt.

After getting probably a few too many band shirts as well as some plain t-shirts, they went looking for jeans. They found a couple of pairs and Marlene grabbed a distressed denim skirt as well. “Do you have club clothes?” Marlene squinted at him. “We need to make sure you have some tight stuff to show off your body.”

“What?” Remus laughed.

“We’re going out to The Divine Saturday night, you need to have something other than your normal streetwear. We could find you a hot guy.” She leered at him.

“Or girl.” Lily added with a laugh. “Marlene is right, we need some club clothes. Don’t worry, we’ll make you look perfect.”

His mind was still reeling with the fact that he was going to be going to a club. The idea was thrilling at the same time it was scary and new. Remus had no idea what to expect from a night out in the city at what he assumed was a gay bar. There were no clubs in Godric’s, and if there were they wouldn’t have been gay.

“This!” Marlene eventually popped up from another mountain of clothes holding jeans that would probably be too tight and a cropped white shirt. “You will look fucking hot in these.”

Remus flushed, his cheeks burning up thinking about going out in something like that.

“Ah, you’re so fucking sweet, Remus.” Marlene skipped over to him and Lily.

“You will look good in that, and you’ll fit you right in. I promise.” Lily gave his arm a squeeze. “You’ll be one of the less extravagant, even.”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to picture himself out in the outfit. He wasn’t even sure if the jeans would fit, they looked so skinny and tight. “Will that even fit me?”

“Yes! Wanna try it on?”

“Where?” He looked around for a changing room but saw nothing.

“Right here! You’ve underwear on, right?” Marlene raised her eyebrow.

“You don’t need to try them on if you don’t want, just get them.” Lily shook her head. “Not all of us want to get naked in the middle of a store in public, Marlene. She stripped down here to her bra and underwear once to try on a dress and  _ forgot _ she wasn’t wearing a bra.”

“I mean, fuck the bra in general.” She shoved the clothes into the bag. “We don’t have to try ‘em on. You can do it at home.”

Remus let out a sigh of relief, not really feeling the idea of being in his boxers in the middle of a store with other people milling around.

“Okay, I think we got enough. We can split up the few things Lily and I put in here when we get home, and we’ll buy you a slice of pizza. I’d say that would be enough money.”

“And a pop.” Lily nodded.

When they got back home they went up to Remus’ room and sorted through their trash bag of clothes. Lily and Marlene helped him put everything away and they helped hang up the Queen poster they had grabbed. It was nice to have  _ something _ on the wall. The room was beginning to feel like his own place within this jungle of a city. There was still a dull ache in his chest when he thought about home, and his mom especially. It hadn’t even been a week, so he figured that it would go away eventually.

Lily and Marlene left him after to go watch some show on TV in the living room. He was left staring at his drawers, full of clothes that they had helped pick out. His eyes caught the cropped shirt and tight jeans. With a surge of courage, Remus kicked his door so it was nearly shut then stripped out of his shirt and jeans.

After pulling on the crop top he poured himself into the jeans, having to hop around the room to get into them. Surprisingly, when he zipped them up the pants weren’t completely uncomfortable.

“Remus! Hey! I got a—” Sirius’ voice had died as the door opened.

Remus spun around, feeling very exposed in his skin tight jeans. “Hi! Marlene and Lily took me shopping.”

Sirius’ eyes were a little wide as he stared at Remus. The self confidence that he felt for a moment was shrinking away.

“This looks terrible, doesn’t it?” Remus tugged at the bottom of the shirt that was exposing his stomach.

“No, no, you look… this looks really good on you.” He leaned against the doorframe.

“Really?” Remus asked in shock.

Sirius’ cheeks were a bit pink, probably embarrassed from just barging into Remus’ room. “Yeah, you should wear it when we go out. Or, like just… anytime.”

Remus laughed. “I don’t know about anytime.” He shifted from foot to foot.

“Right, right. How’d your job hunt go?” Sirius asked after clearing his throat.

“Good, I’m probably going to start working at that café that Benjy was talking about.”

“That’s great! Look at you, only a few days in the city and you’ve got a job and a wonderful new wardrobe. You’re fitting right in.”

“Ha, I hope so.”

“You are! Anyway, I came to ask if you wanted to go see these kids down the way doing some breakdancing. They’re amazing. I stumbled on them on the way home.”

Remus was taken aback that Sirius had thought to ask him. “Sure, let me just put on a not cropped shirt.”

“Awww shucks, okay.” He laughed. 

Remus went to get his Queen shirt, really feeling as if he were home now.


	5. Chapter 4: Walk for Me by Tronco Traxx

Remus got word that he could start his job at the coffee shop the next day, and started his training the day after. It was nice that he only had to work mornings into the mid afternoon, but the place wasn’t that busy. Though, that was good so he could get his feet under him with the menu and everything. The owner of the place was really strange: his name was Xeno and he talked a lot about conspiracy theories. Remus didn’t mind it much, and even encouraged the man to spew all his strange theories during his training.

In the evenings, Remus spent his time with all the people of the House of Gryffindor. They all were so different, yet had the strongest bond that Remus had ever thought possible for people who weren’t related. Each of the people accepted Remus right off the bat. There was nothing they questioned, but Remus could see them look at him every so often like:  _ oh this sweet, naive boy _ . He hated the look, and he was trying his best to conquer the city without any help from anyone. But he was happy to have his housemates around.

There was a Ball coming up fast, so the house was a flurry of excitement at all hours of the day. There seemed to be fabric  _ everywhere _ . Everyone was practicing their dancing or their “walks”. Remus was bowled over by the whole thing. He just sat on the sofa most nights watching Marlene sewing or Kingsley singing or Sirius voguing or Caradoc walking. It was all far more entertaining than what he could find on TV most of the time.

Remus couldn’t wait for the Ball, but there was still some time to go. For now he was happy to stay at home most nights with the ones who didn’t work night shifts. Tonight though, they were going out to the club. He had changed into his tight,  _ tight _ jeans and crop top then went down to the living room to wait for the others. He felt so self-conscious, but knew that he’d probably fit in. He had so far — for the most part.

After a little while, Sirius appeared in the doorway. He was wearing the tightest white pants Remus had ever seen, with a pink button up patterned top, and high heel shoes. His hair was loose around his shoulders and his eyelids and cheeks were sparking with glitter. Remus wanted to melt into the sofa because he looked so good. How was it possible for someone to look  _ that _ good?

“Mister Lupin, are you ready for The House of Gryffindor?” Sirius asked in a grand voice.

Remus laughed. “What?”

“He’s making us do a runway!’ Dorcas sounded a mix of annoyed and excited at the same time.

Remus turned to the doorway, pulling his legs up onto the sofa. “All right, let’s see it then.”

“First up in this fabulous fucking House is the biggest and best Butch in town, Dorcas Gryffindor! She’s a stunning beauty with the shiniest head this side of the Hudson.” Dorcas appear in the doorway wearing black suit pants with a suit jacket. If she was wearing a shirt under the jacket, Remus couldn’t see it. Her make up was bright and vibrant. 

“The best Lesbian on the Runway and working it to no end in all things Bizarre!” 

She kept a straight face as she strutted down the fake runway in the middle of the living room, stopping to strike a pose every few steps. She laughed and stuck her tongue out when she got to the sofa and came to sit next to Remus.

Marlene was already in the doorway, standing the same height as Sirius in her towering pink heels. “Miss Marly Gryffindor is the seamstress with the mostest and the sexy bitch on stage.” Sirius gestured to Marlene as she swung her hips, wearing her tight lycra pink shirt and sheer top that Remus could see her black bra through. Her normally curly hair seemed even bigger tonight. “Don’t think about looking at her twice, hunny, her girlfriend will break you into pieces.”

Dorcas let out a wolf-whistle when Marlene got closer to them. She reached out and pulled her girlfriend into her lap as Remus looked to see who was next, thoroughly enjoying Sirius’ commentary.

“Caddy Gryffindor is the best Butch Queen that Harlem has to offer.” Sirius grinned as Caddy came out in his dark jeans and a tight shirt, that was very small for his large frame. “This absolute queen may rip you apart on the runway, but he’s got the kindest heart.” Caradoc paused halfway to the sofa to look at Sirius.

“Aww that was so nice, Sirius.” He laughed.

“Stop hitting on my boyfriend,” Benjy jokingly complained from somewhere behind Sirius.

“He’s a hottie, sorry!” Sirius winked at Remus as Caradoc sat next to Marlene and Dorcas and Benjy appeared in the doorway. “Caddy’s better half Benjy can be seen sporting the most Bizzare looks on the runway as well as being the most fabulous femme queen. All created by his own hand, much like what he is wearing tonight.”

Benjy almost looked shy as he walked down the faux runway in his matching purple, green, and blue three piece suit. The shoulder pads were exaggerated and it was almost so ugly that it looked amazing. Remus could hardly understand it, but he knew that Ben was talented. He sewed so many outfits.

“Miss Alice Gryffindor is the fiercest costumer any House could have. We are truly blessed with her presence here.”

There was an emphatic ‘YAASS!’ that went up on the sofa as long with some snapping, causing Remus to smile wider as Alice hopped down the living room, spinning around a bit in a purple dress that she probably made herself.

After Alice, Frank then Lily then Kingsley came out with similar commentary. The crowd on the sofa cheered and snapped and screamed for each other. Remus felt so at home, so warmed at how they all supported one another so much.

“REMUS! YOU’VE GOT TO DO REMUS!” Marlene shrieked.

“Ha! I’m sure Sirius would love to—”

“Remus Gryffindor, get your tight ass up here.” Sirius pointed to the doorway. “It’s a rite of passage!”

He felt himself flush a little, not used to being the center of attention. Normally he did his best to blend in amongst the crowd, but this entire crowd didn’t blend in. They were all bright and bold and just themselves. Remus knew that he could do the same thing. He could do whatever he wanted because all these people were there to back him up.

Sirius marched over, just as Remus was about to stand up and grabbed him by the hand and dragged him over to the doorway. “Just give us your best walk, Remus. I’m sure you’ve a lot to learn but we’ve got faith in you baby.” Sirius grinned as they got to the doorway.

Remus nodded, turning around to his new family, who were all already cheering him on. 

“It is my  _ absolute _ pleasure to introduce the newest, and possibly most fabulous, member of the Gryffindor House: Remus Gryffindor! This baby is the best coffee maker in town, and will discover his little niche in the ballroom scene at one point. Until then we appreciate him in the cheering section wearing the best crop tops to show off that gorgeous body!”

He couldn’t help his laughter at Sirius’ commentary as he walked casually across the room. He barely made it halfway before Marlene and Lily tackled him in a hug. Then everyone else followed. Remus was nearly fucking giddy by the time they finally got out of the door of the house.

In order to get to the club they needed to take the subway--much to Lily and Remus’ chagrin--but it was better with everyone there chatting and laughing. They occupied each other from the possible run-ins with people who weren’t looking to just have fun or the fact that it smelt like shit. The group was just having so much fun. So much so, Remus forgot any of his nerves or possible insecurities.

By the time he got to the club, he was ready to dance amongst the crush of people. Marlene made them all take shots together, so he was happily buzzed soon enough and dancing with Marlene and Dorcas among the crowd on the floor. He had a drink in his hand, something that Marlene had recommended and it tasted like fruit and alcohol. Remus didn’t mind it. It was helping him loosen up as he danced, trying to fit in with everyone around him.

The music was loud, and he could feel it pumping through his body, deep in his chest. At one point a very good looking guy started dancing with him. He was tall with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. For a moment panic surged through his body, but it disappeared when the man smirked and pulled him closer to him. “You’re beautiful,” the man yelled over the music, even though he was so close to Remus’ ear he could hardly hear him.

“Ha, thank you.” Remus tried not to let out a yelp of surprise at the man’s hands on his hips. “You are too.”

“Glad you think so.” The man’s hips rolled against his, causing Remus to moan a little at the feeling. He bit his lip in shock then took a long sip of his drink.

_ Holy fuck _ . They danced and danced before the man-- _ Amycus _ \--had pulled him to the bar for another shot and another drink. There wasn’t a lot of talking, but there was never a lot of talking to the few guys that he had hooked up with back home. They didn’t want to talk about things because they were all in the closet and tried to pretend that they were only doing it because it was fun. Amycus didn’t seem to feel that way, but it was so fucking loud in the club Remus could hardly hear himself think, let alone have a proper conversation with someone trying to hit on him.

Amycus kept shouting compliments to Remus over the music. The other man’s hands kept sliding across his bare back and stomach, making Remus a little more dizzy and a little more thrilled. It felt like he was a real adult being a real person doing what he wanted. There, in this club full of queer people he was free to be himself. Tonight, he decided that he was going to get drunk and dance with this beautiful man who seemed to be interested in him.

“HEY!” A voice shouted near his ear, a hand on his waist, as Amycus ordered them another drink.

Remus spun around to find Sirius looking at him. There was some concern on his face. “HI!”

“You okay?” Sirius leaned in. “Don’t go overboard, baby.”

Remus rolled his eyes. He hated when the others treated him like he was a kid. They had good intentions, but he wanted to do his own thing. The reason he came to New York was to live as himself, unapologetically. He didn’t want to have to apologize to the rest of the people in the House if he was trying to have a good time with this hot guy.

“I’m fine!” He leaned close enough to Sirius to be heard. “Don’t worry, I’m all right.”

“Okay, if you… if you have sex with him wear a condom! Even if it’s just going down on him!”

“I wasn’t going to!” Remus shook his head. “I’m just dancing with him.”

“Have fun then, huh? Don’t leave without telling someone.” Sirius patted him on the shoulder. “That’s a rule in the house. It’s not allowed.”

“Yeah, no, I won’t leave without saying anything. I’m not sure I could get back home.”

Sirius shook his head. “I meant if you went to this guy’s place.” He squeezed his shoulder. “Got to be safe.”

Remus nodded, seeing that Sirius looked more than a little concerned. As annoyed as he was about being coddled and seen as naive, a little bit of regret ran through Remus. Letting these people care for him was okay, and something that he should do. He just didn’t want to be a baby though, no matter how sweet it was to hear Sirius call him  _ baby _ .

“All right, I’m going to dance more!” Sirius kissed him on the cheek before taking off, disappearing into the mass of people.

“I hope that wasn’t your boyfriend!” Amycus pressed the shot glass into his hand.

“No! Just a friend.” Remus leaned closer to him before saying cheers to him and knocking back the shot.

“Thank god!” He shouted. 

They stood there talking for awhile… well, shouting over the music… and Remus found out that Amycus worked in some bank on Wall Street. He also lived on some street that Remus was sure he should have been impressed by with how he spoke about it. “Dance some more?”

Surprisingly, Amycus took Remus’ hand and pulled him back to the floor. Soon enough they were back to being pressed close against one another. Amycus’ arms were back on his waist as they moved to the music. At one point he saw Caddy and Benjy over Amycus’ shoulder and they gave Remus the thumbs up and looked to be doing a little dance in celebration. They looked like embarrassing older brothers for a few minutes before being swallowed up in the crowd.

“Do you want to get high?”

Remus was taken aback for a moment. Not that he hadn’t gotten high before but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be weed he would be offered. He was in New York, dancing with a guy who worked at a bank. Remus watched enough movies and TV to know that it was probably going to be cocaine. “I’ve never had coke before,” he said honestly. “But sure.”

Amycus grinned. “You’ll love it, come with me.”

“Yeah? Okay.” He figured he might as well dive into it and have fun. It wasn’t like a little bit was going to be the end of the world.

So, that was how he found himself in a dimly lit bathroom stall with Amycus with a line of coke on the back of the toilet seat and a rolled up dollar in his hand. It felt very cliché, and very strange. Though it didn’t feel wrong, especially with Amycus’ strong hand on the small of his back. So he leaned down and sniffed hard, causing his nose to burn but a second later it didn’t matter because he felt a sudden euphoria.

“You look so good,” Amycus mumbled, going in for a kiss. Remus realized he was standing straight up against the stall.

His whole body was alive, and ready for  _ whatever _ , so he leaned into the kiss, pulling the other man even closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be taking a step back from this story. I'm sorry for those who are enjoying it but I'm struggling to disconnect with the fact I'm not getting much interest in it and my love for the story. I will come back to it, but I need a step back.


	6. Chapter 5: Got to Be Real by Cheryl Lynn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm diving back into this world with renewed vigor... even though pirates is stalling. But I am going to finish this damn fic.

Remus woke up, squinting over at the other man in the bed. He looked around to find that he was in a stark white room with the light streaming in through the window. The metal and the clean lines made Remus’ brain scream  _ clinical _ , and he could hardly believe that anyone would want to live in such an empty, cold place. Yet this guy, Amycus, did.

Rubbing his face in an attempt to shake the cobwebs forming in his brain, Remus sat up. The stunningly good-looking banker he had gone home with the night before was sleeping on his back, looking dead to the world. His chest was rising and falling steadily, so Remus wasn’t too worried as he scooted out of bed in search of a glass of water. Amycus didn’t budge at all as he padded around the bed for the door.

Out in the living room, Remus found the same bare, white space, with windows floor to ceiling facing the Hudson. There wasn’t much but a white sofa and large television in the living room along with a book case which was full of hardback black books and a section of records and a record player. Remus noted that Amycus had Huey Lewis and the New’s album  _ On the Side _ laying on top of the record player like he’d just been listening to it. He grimaced because it wasn’t exactly his taste in music, but to each their own.

In the kitchen, all shiny stainless steel that appeared unused, Remus opened the cupboard. His hangover was making his mouth as dry as the desert and his head felt as if the subway had been running a line through it all night. The cupboard produced only two fucking glasses that were maybe of crystal, finely carved. They seemed to be the sort of thing that you used for decoration — the sort that his mom would have yelled at him for even looking at. But he wasn’t home, and this guy didn’t have any other options, as odd as that was, so he grabbed one and opened the fridge.

The only things in the fridge were an egg, some green juice, and some of those blue gel eye masks. Marly had forced one onto Remus’ face the other day because she said his eyes were tired. That was  _ fine _ but none of Amycus’ apartment felt fucking normal. He needed to get out of there. The place felt like the home of a serial killer.

So, after filling his glass with tap water and chugging it down twice, Remus hurried back to the bedroom to get into his clothes. Amycus was still sound asleep like some sort of rich yuppie vampire, thankfully. Once Remus got changed he was out of the high-rise and out onto the street looking for the closest bus stop or subway station. Both made his stomach churn at the thought of the stale smell or the grating noises, but he had no other options in getting back to Harlem.

Somehow he managed to get back to the House of Gryffindor. Never in his life was he more glad to be home. It was still early, and everyone in the house had a late night so it was no surprise that the house was quiet. The chipping paint and the mismatched furniture made him feel at home. It was nothing like Amycus’ place. This house was his home, and it felt like it was where he belonged.

As he came up the stairs to his room, he found Sirius’ door cracked open across the hall. Just as he was about to put his hand on the handle to his room, Sirius’ head poked out the door. His long hair was done in a braid, falling over his shoulder. For someone who had been out partying all night, he looked as if he was in good shape. Better than Remus, whose nose fucking hurt and who was wearing the clothes that he had partied in all night last night.

“Hey, how’d it go, baby?”

“Ah, okay? Good.” Remus leaned back against his closed door.

“Want a cigarette?” Sirius pointed behind him, biting his bottom lip.

“Oh, yeah, sure sure.”

Even though Remus was slowly working at making his room his own, he was still blown away by the amount of stuff on Sirius’ wall whenever he went in. Signs, posters, photos. It made Remus feel like he was seeing into Sirius’ mind, like he got to know him more and more when he took in the artifacts of Sirius plastered to the walls.

Sirius was propping open the window behind his bed as Remus looked at an  _ Act Up Fight AIDs _ poster. His ass was sticking out in the air as he struggled to get it opened. “Fucking thing gets stuck every damn time,” Sirius huffed as Remus knelt next to him on the bed in order to help him out. Together they both managed to get the window up. “Well, okay.” He clapped his hands together before slouching back against the wall.

Remus chuckled, kicking his shoes off before bringing his legs up onto the bed. “Have you told James?”

“Yeah, the idiot can’t fix it.” Sirius snickered before sliding a cigarette between his lips. “So, were you safe last night?”

He furrowed his brow, taking a moment to realize what Sirius was trying to say to him. Then it slapped Remus in the face that he couldn’t exactly remember if they had used a condom. Surely a man like Amycus would want everything nice and clean, even sex. But he couldn’t remember, and that made his stomach twist as if someone had gotten a hold of it and wringed it out.

“It’s okay, Remus, we can get you tested. There’s a clinic that my organization works with.” Sirius waved a hand after lighting the cigarette and handing it over to Remus. “It happens all the time, but you have to be safer the next time you go home with them.”

“Why do you care so much?” It felt as if Sirius was so watchful over everything that Remus did, like he was worried that Remus was going to break himself and shatter into pieces without Sirius there looking over his shoulder.

For a moment, Sirius’ eyes closed and he took a deep breath. Remus glanced out the window to the street where Harlem was just waking up. Out there somewhere people were probably thinking about how great the night before was or how terrible. Remus wasn’t sure how to think about his own experience because he could hardly remember it. Regretting it didn’t seem productive, but holding it high as a good night didn’t seem like something he wanted to do either.

“So when I got here to the house I was 16, pretending to be 18, right? I met this kid who was 18. Gideon and he was amazing. I loved him — everything about him. He was so full of life and somehow he liked me. We started to date. He showed me how to be me and live my life how I wanted to live it. You know? We weren’t exclusive or anything, and that was fine with me because I didn’t really know who I was.” Sirius paused, holding his hand out for the cigarette again.

Without a word, Remus held it out for Sirius to pluck between his fingers. Remus didn’t want to speak because whatever the story was, it felt important. The words were hanging heavy in the air, and Sirius was open like he was baring his soul for Remus. That was terrifying, but also somehow invigorating to know that someone trusted him that much. He was worthy of Sirius’ story for some reason.

“But I found myself and I was falling fast and hard for Gideon. It took a couple of years until we were like, in the same place, you know? On the same page and we started dating for real.” Sirius took a long drag, pausing to let the smoke stream out of his mouth.

Remus didn’t like where the story was going because he hadn’t met Gideon or heard of him until this moment. “For real? Like just you and him?.”

“Yeah, monogamous.” Sirius nodded, leaning over to peer out the window. “And it was fucking good. I was so in love, damn it was nice. But he started to feel ill. He avoided going to the doctor, saying it was nothing but I eventually got him there. I was working with the organization I’m at now, just basically getting coffee then, but you know… I knew what was wrong. Er, he was positive and just got more ill. There wasn’t anything for them to do so I had to watch him — watch him waste away.”

The way Sirius’ voice wavered at the end shattered Remus’ heart. The normally brash, confident, head-held-high person seemed to shrink. It was so strange and awful to hear. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Sirius shook his head. “Yeah, don’t be, because Gideon would tell you to stop being sorry for something you didn’t do. But yeah, I want you safe, okay? So you’ll get tested and you’ll be fine but you have to do it again. You can take all the damn condoms that you need.” He gestured to the desk.

A lump settled in Remus’ throat as he watched the ashes falling off the end of the cigarette, scattering across the splintered windowsill against the wind. “Yeah, yeah I’ll do that.”

“So you get why I care, you know? And I can care about you, Remus. You’re someone that has plenty of people to care about you.” Sirius sniffled and finally handed Remus the cigarette back over to him.

Remus wordlessly took the offered cigarette. Of course people cared about him, but sometimes it felt like the people that mattered the most didn’t. Well, his parents. He knew that they didn’t care. They especially wouldn’t care for him being out in New York doing drugs and sleeping with strange men.

“And I don’t have AIDS, I’m not positive, if you were wondering.” Sirius twisted the bottom of his braid between his fingers. “I always wore protection.”

“Oh, right.” Remus did have that question in the back of his head, but he didn’t think it was appropriate to ask. The relief surged through Remus because he worried about Sirius. “I’m glad you’re healthy and stuff.”

“So, do I make more sense to you now, baby?”

For some reason Remus felt warm all over when Sirius called him baby. It was just something Sirius did, but it made Remus want to blush like an idiot. “You make sense. Do you like working at your organization?”

Sirius’ smile started across his face. “Yeah, you should come by one day because it’d be good for you I think. We’re always looking for extra hands to help out.”

Remus stubbed out the cigarette on the windowsill. “Yeah, that’d be interesting, sure.” The back of his mind was buzzing and not in a good way. The worry that he could have made a life changing mistake last night was horrifying.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Remus.” Sirius put his hand on Remus’ knee.

“Okay.”

Sirius was right, he was going to be okay. The Monday following Remus’ mistake, Sirius got him in to get tested and everything came back okay after a few days of Remus freaking out and panicking over making a big mistake. The entire time, Sirius was there, telling him it was going to be all right. Then after he got the word back that he was okay, Sirius laid in to him telling Remus that he needed to be more safe from here on out.

“Look, I was only being nice because you needed that at the moment, baby, but now I know you’re safe wear a fucking condom all the time,” he said while dumping an armful on to Remus’ bed.

Without saying anything, Remus nodded because he couldn’t think of anything that would sound right. He didn’t plan on making any sort of mistake again.

“Good, see you at dinner. Minnie’s making chicken parm.” Sirius walked out of the room, waving his hand around.


End file.
